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I ended up not doing bad on the few assignments I was worried about this week. I got a B- on my Traditional China midterm that I didnapos;t study for so Iapos;m very pleased - comments were that my writing was well done, just could have been elaborated more, which is what I expected. Also got a 75 (which equates to a B-, donapos;t know exactly how, but hey not complaining LOL) on that insane Human Sexuality test, which was the class average. And Jonas got the same grade as me, so heapos;s not dropping the class, yay ^^ I was also worried about my latest story for Journalism - but she gave us a chance to revise, so I looked over it with my professor after class, and she said I just had to tweak little things but it was well-done overall. I also have submitted a longer, tweaked version of this story (on the debates/presidential election) to be in The Independent this week (the school newspaper), at the request of the editor =).

So Iapos;ve decided to withdraw from my Art History class. I feel kinda bad, because the professor is really nice and I do find the material interesting - but the class isnapos;t doing anything for me, and Iapos;m not getting as good grades as I should in two of my other classes. Itapos;ll give me more time to focus on Journalism/Traditional China, and deal with everything else Iapos;ve got going on this semester. Iapos;ve decided to not apply for the VA minor anymore, and there are other classes that could count for the Asian Studies minor when I apply to it.

Iapos;ve also started planning my schedule for next semester - itapos;s great and sucks at the same time. Obviously, Photojournalism is a must - thatapos;s 2:30-6:10 on Wednesday (I haaaaaate that length class with a passion thanks to Art History, but this is actually something I like ^^). Iapos;m required to take Junior Seminar in Journalism, so thatapos;s a 2:30-6:10 on Thursday - thanks to that, Iapos;m forced to have an 8:30 class >_<. I have to take Journalism I and II in sequence, and one of the two sections for JII is during the same time as Junior Seminar (fail). I also plan on taking Modern Chinese history from 12:30-2:10 Mon Thurs - to get more upper-level credits and a class for the minor.

In random news - OMG WATCH apos;THE APPLEapos;. Epikly awesome movie XD. The sparkles The color The crazy awesome choreography
Silver shiny bathing suits XD
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• Nadia was up all night puking last Tuesday. By Wednesday afternoon, she was fine. Thursday night, I was up all night puking. Friday afternoon, I was better.

• We spent Saturday at the zoo in Indy with Blake and his parents, brother, brotherapos;s gf and daughter, and son. I didnapos;t realize how exhausting walking around a zoo with four toddlers would be.

• Sunday was Blakeapos;s brotherapos;s 21st birthday. We all went out to eat.

• I have no enter key on my laptop. Makes typing interesting.

• All of the kidsapos; Christmas shopping is done

• Hayden fell in the tub last night and has a huge fat lip.

• Weapos;re all suffering from the cold oapos; doom.

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A side effect of my hanging out with Declan is that my accent has managed, somehow, to become even more convoluted than it was. It already bounces all over the globe thanks to my trotting around it, but without my quite sounding like Iapos;m from anywhere but possibly my own personal realm, located mostly in my mind. Iapos;m continually asked where Iapos;m from and have taken to responding with either, "Oh, everywhere." or "Hither and yon." In any case, for reasons better known to themselves (more than likely Dylan Moran more than Declan) Iapos;ve picked up a semi-Irish "What?" Declan, I apologise in advance. The "What?" in question somehow manages to sound every single letter, instead of the more usual "Wot?" I only realised I was doing it when my Mother pointed out that my "What?", no matter the context, made me sound like I was questioning someones sanity and being really annoyed about it at the same time.

Moral: Think before you "What?"

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1.��I want a dog so bad and I wonapos;t be able to get one until after Iapos;m done with school - not by choice. I seriously feel empty inside without one and while I know itapos;d be difficult, a lot of work, and expensive, I donapos;t care. The good outweighs the bad and I know it does. I just wish I could get one in a few months. But no.

2. I feel weird and Iapos;m not really sure why. School is going well, but itapos;s overwhelming. Thereapos;s always just so much to do and so often, a complete lack of desire to do it. I know that this is what I want to do with my life, so why is it so hard for me to focus?

3. My chest hurts and I donapos;t know why. Like a deep, sinking feeling in my sternum. My asthmaapos;s been pretty bad recently, due to stress I imagine. Either way, it sucks.

4. I donapos;t know whatapos;s going on, why I feel the way I do about things, and what to do about it. Emotions are running amuck.

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Laatst las ik op iemands lj dat diegene dagen spendeerde aan het opzoekenn van reizen die hij toch nooit zou gaan maken. Vandaag heb ik ook maar weer eens een bezoekje gebracht aan kilroytravels.nl en airasia.com . En oooooeeeehoooooeeeehoooeeeehh Ik kan al voor 400 euro naar bangkok vliegen (vanaf frankfurt en een enkeltje weliswaar), daar dan een tijdje rondkloten (Vietnam? Hong Kong? Maleisi� Hoor ik jullie naar me roepen?). En dan als klap op de vuurpijl voor 250 euro vanaf Kuala Lumpur naar Melbourne vliegen

EINDELIJK ben ik dan in Australi� waar ik al mijn hele leven lang heen wil

En dat ik dan geen terugticket heb deert niet, want waarom zou ik terug willen naar Nederland met zapos;n lelijke winterjassen, fietsritten door polders en onrijp ge�mporteerd fruit?

Ohohohoh, kriebels Het is zooooo verleidelijk om het gewoon te doen. Opzich heb ik ik het geld wel snel bij elkaar als ik nu gewoon op houd met kleren kopen, uit eten gaan en zuipen. En zeker als ik bedenk dat ik toch pas in april zou kunnen vertrekken. (Tussen nu en april zitten een hele hoop dagen om geld te verdienen).

Maaaaaaaaar ik had me voorgenomen om wat van mijn leven in Nederland te maken. Om te zoeken naar een opleiding die echt bij me past en die dan ook daadwerkelijk te gaan doen en daar hard voor te werken. Om te gaan schrijven. Om mijn vriendschappen niet dood te laten bloeden. Om ervoor te zorgen dat ik het in Nederland ook naar me zin heb...

Maar ik wil het, ik wil het, ik wil het� Ik wil twee dingen tegelijk, die niet samen kunnen....

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I cut and paste most of this from an e-mail I sent to a friend. I write mile long e-mails.

coffee shop story time. Hahaha. Donapos;t get too excited. Itapos;s not too exciting. But if you were here Iapos;d let you smell me right now because I have a strong odor of coffees. So last night, I was super crabby at work so I smoked some pot. Naughty. But it cheered me up and got me through the night. I thought I would work until 9 or 10 at the latest. Nope. 11:30. Awful Then I had to shower and wash the grease stank off of me and set my alarm for 4:30 am. Well, I was kind of high and set it for pm. Woops So Bill shakes me at 5 am and says- time to get up Thankfully thereapos;s a huge dumpster outside our bedroom window that gets emptied very noisily at 5 am on Fridays. So that was lucky that Bill woke up and woke me up. So I woke up and whined a little bit and then got ready and went. OOOhh, whatapos;s going to happen on my first day? I yawned for about half an hour and then finally said- I need a drink. So I had a mint latte with 4 shots of espresso 4 I was a little wired after that. I made small mistakes you make on your first day and was slow and even burned myself, but no major events. One of the girls that works there has a super sweet mom that brought us all breakfast from McDonaldapos;s. Gross So I had a breakfast burrito. I got trained in by an 18 year old. I took that personally as an insult and degrading to myself. Just because me being 26, I donapos;t think I should have to be trained in by an 18 year old for anything. And thatapos;s my fault and myself to blame. So Iapos;m going to talk about that in counseling today. The girl that trained me was a big fat baby. She was such a whiner She burned herself and just about cried about it. So I showed her my arms and all the burns and scars from burns I have on there. I poured hot coffee on myself and didnapos;t flinch. And she says- yeah, but I should be pampered when Iapos;m hurt because Iapos;m a girl. Iapos;m like- bitch, Iapos;m a girl too but Iapos;m an adult and donapos;t milk everything and act like a fucking baby I didnapos;t say that outloud though. Then she calls her mom to complain to her that her back hurt. She was having her mom call to make her a doctorapos;s appointment because her back hurt. Who canapos;t make a doctorapos;s appointment for themself at 18? Fucking spoiled brat. I hope I can keep my cool around her because I have so many things I would say to her that would make her start bawling immediately. Everytime I looked at her today I thought she was about to cry. For the littlest things Ugh. Grow up. And stop eating so much, piggy. Anyway, besides the big fat baby, coffee shop was okay. I donapos;t know if itapos;s going to be worth the money honestly. If Iapos;m going to get another part time job, I think cooking or something would be better. It starts at at least $3 more an hour. Unless the tips make up for it. I didnapos;t get tips today because Iapos;m training. Which I think is bullshit. But Iapos;m definitely going to give it a while because I love free coffee.

There is a really cool girl that I worked with today too. I hope she will be my friend. Hahahah She was really nice and mature and stuff. She has another job dealing blackjack. I think thatapos;s so cool And sheapos;s cute and skinny and Iapos;m shallow and it was her mom who brought us stuff. Iapos;m pretty intrigued about the dealing blackjack because Iapos;m pretty sure those people make really good tips. Drunk people winning money, hell yeah. They give that shit away. So maybe I could ask more about that for a second job instead of the coffee shop. Because I need money more than free coffee. Weapos;ll see

I started crying in my shrink appt yesterday because I was so humiliated that I was trained in by an 18 year old. Bill took me out to dinner last night and I told him about it. He told me thatapos;s something Iapos;m going to have to get used to and thatapos;s something heapos;s learned too. No matter how good you are at something, thereapos;s always someone whoapos;s going to be better than you at it and thereapos;s always going to be someone younger than you as you get older. So I have to learn to deal with it now that Iapos;m getting so old. (he didnapos;t say the last part about me getting old) hahah. Anyway, Billapos;s so awesome. I love talking to him because heapos;s so fucking smart he always has something to say thatapos;s just perfect. What I never knew I needed to hear. I hope he will marry me and love me forever

My dog is starting to get naughty and I donapos;t know why. Iapos;m going to do some major training with him today because heapos;s way too big to let that continue any further. He thinks when he sees a dog he is allowed to run and play with them, even if it means running across a street and half a block further. So training today, then working at 4, then getting up at another disgusting hour of the morning to work at coffee shop, then nacho-fest 2008 with Bill. We both loooooove nachos and we went out for nachos the other night and described to eachother our perfect nachos. So weapos;re going to make what we think are the perfect set of nachos for eachother tomorrow. Nacho-a-thon. I love it. Isnapos;t he the best thing? I mean for me Heapos;s the best and I think heapos;s the best and Iapos;m totally just gushing out cheesy stories about how I think heapos;s the best. Hahahah Lame

Okay, one more story about Bill and I. Hahahah Heapos;s done working for the season in less than two weeks We can quit smoking Really looking forward to it. And even though Iapos;m working a lot more, weapos;ll still get lots of more time together because he will have nothing but free time for me Yay He wants to take a vacation really soon to either Vegas or the Carribean or Bahamas or something. And since Iapos;m broke as hell heapos;s going to pay for me. I hate that I canapos;t pay for myself- haaaaaaaaate it But I love that heapos;s willing to do this for me so we can spend time together and then I can earn and save up and maybe heapos;ll let the next one be on me. Heapos;s so sweet. Iapos;m going to make my credit better so he can marry me and love me forever. Ahhahah I wouldnapos;t want to marry me right now. I would be a huge burden on his credit. And until that gets better, weapos;re not going anywhere so it can wait. We havenapos;t talked about actually getting married.

Today is Mikeeapos;s birthday so Iapos;m going to call her and sing her a silly song on the phone. Then training my dog, then working tonight, then getting up a disgusting hour in the morning. Probably already mentioned all of that but thatapos;s my summary.

I started talking about my job as a cook at my shrink appointment and he pointed out when I got done that that was the most confident that he has ever seen me. My voice and my body language all changed and it showed how confident and strong I felt about myself and working there. He told me that everyoneapos;s happiness if put on a pie chart has three main points on it. Family, relationship and job. He said the only problem I seem to be having was with my jobs and money. I took it kind of personally and wanted to deny it and defend myself about it but I shouldnapos;t because thatapos;s why Iapos;m there- to find the root of my problems and figure out a solution. So I need to accept that Iapos;m down on myself because Iapos;m embarassed that I donapos;t have a successful career and that Iapos;m behind everyone my age. So next session we will talk more about that Iapos;m sure. I need to accept that Iapos;m behind and work on it to make it better.

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So, laaaate last nite, while my sisters slept on my floor (itapos;s a long, sad story), I was playing Cute. My file has been deleted, oh, THREE times now. I think my game is trying to tell me that Skye and I apos;donapos;t belong togetherapos;. LoL. I never got him past a green heart...

SO I gave up on him (far away in the land of Alaska, Lainaapos;s ears bleed). Now, Iapos;m going for Marlin <333 His heart events are so cyoot. Anyway, it was a few days before the�fireworks festival, and�I was giving him two bottles of wine and a wild grape every day, trying to get his blue heart to green so I could watch the pretty, booming colors in the sky with him. (Karen, the chic who runs the supermarket where I get wine, prolly though I was�an alchoholic XD)�THAT didnapos;t happen. In one final attempt, I brought wine to the fest. And HE�DIDNT�TAKE IIIIT T_T

But then the next day his rns green. *verbally attacks Marlin*

In other, happier news, (at least to Laina) the Miners are nearly dun *scurries off to finish*
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Every so often I get the urge to travel. To just up and go. I hate that I have responsibilities that tie me here. Whereapos;s the fun in working to save money if I canapos;t take time off to see anything? Iapos;ve been looking at flights to the South again. I want to go, so badly. I want to see Alabama and Louisiana, visit New Orleans, see the French Quarter, drive through deserts and stop in back-end towns that I donapos;t know the name of. I just want to go and see it all. I want to not be able to walk through somewhere in case there is a rattlesnake, I want to go to a barn dance, I want to listen to country on the radio. And yes, look at me, Iapos;m stereotyping, but I know there has to be places like this in real life, because I dream about them all time.

I need to be able to drive. I need to be able to do a lot of things. I need to save money, desperately, because if I donapos;t get to go anywhere next year either then Iapos;m just going to go crazy. Iapos;ve already factored in two months not working so that I can visit family in the UK, while keeping my house over here. That means Iapos;ll be paying rent for the two months that Iapos;m not here, which is 220 euro per month. 440 euro, I can do that. Plus money to live. And then if I want to come over to the states, thatapos;ll be a flight, which is roughly 800 euro, perhaps a little less, if I can get a good deal. So that would 1240 euro, without taking anything else into account. I think I basically need to save 2000 euro by next summer if I want to get anywhere. I can do that. I can.

Alternatively, anyone have a boat I could use?
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...but I want a big, black, BEAUTIFUL trench coat.

Okay, maybe that commercial is about the greatest commercial ever, because I feel so beautiful and happy inside when I watch it. And it only plays heavily when Project Runway is on. DVF is a damn good businesswoman (I'm looking at you, Sarah Palin).

And yes, I hate to be superficial, but I miss my clothes. Like my super cute sweater dress and beautiful black pumps. (Note to self: Get them shipped over).

On a much more related note: I haven't been this content in a while - with what I've been doing, etcetera. I really don't think I could ask for much more, in this stage of my life. I guess if I had to regret anything, it would probably be that I can't share this with my best friend. I wonder how she is doing sometimes.

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